Drinking Song

(Lyrics and music: A. Stainer)

I said to the barkeep “Fill it up Please”
I begged and I pleaded, got down on my knees
He said you’ve no tuppence in your pocket or purse
And you're guttered and sozzled, I don’t know what’s worse
I yelled to the barkeep even rotgut will do
Surely you can spare some to hold me spirit through?
It’d roll off my tongue, like a young sweaty wench
Sweetness at first ‘till you’d notice the stench
I promised the barkeep to pay for my bill
I asked what he wanted so I could drink still
I offered to muck out the staples and such
I needed that liquor I wanted so much
(he wanted so much)
He asked me what prompted me falling from grace
Was it a woman or gamblin' or general disgrace?
I told him ‘twas neither, I just likes the taste
So please pour another with all due haste!
I yelled to the bar keep  “I can’t live without”
that delicious dark, bitter, malty-sweet stout.
It makes a meal by itself you’d have to admit
Now pour me my drink, you bloody-thick git!"
He reached his boiling point beyond common sense
and grabbed me by my scruff for my minor offense
He tossed me to the cobbles as I hit my head
And at that moment I became past tense – past tense – passed tense
I found myself looking up at the pearly gates
I asked St. Peter what is my fate?
He said my son “god” forgives all sin,
But unfortunately in heaven there is no gin, no gin, no whiskey, no gin
I said dear St. Peter “if it’s all the same to you,
I’ll go down and visit Ole Scratch in a few,
I know he’ll punish me for all the bad things I’ve done,       
But I have a feeling he’s got some whiskey, rye and rum."
Drink, drink, drink, drink
But I have a feeling he’s got some kinda dealin’ (some wine, tequila,beer, absinthe, vodka, crème de menthe….got whiskey, rye and rum)